Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen

[ Trailer ]

Rating: 1/4 (I will pay you to avoid this torture)

Dear Michael Bay,

I know your movies are about mindless action and big explosions. Seen from even that viewpoint your latest movie Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen is a serious disappointment. The first movie Transformers was such good fun, with a teenager (Shia LaBeouf) and his hot girlfriend (Megan Fox), his car which turns into a good robot (Optimus Prime) and a rival badass robot (Megatron). Why did you have to tear apart such a simple premise into shreds with this latest attempt of yours? Did you really have to add in a complete genealogy of Transformers? Did you have to add in so many new Decepticons, all virtually indistinguishable from each other? What daydream were you floating on when you made all the Autobots as GM cars? You have reached a new low with the addition of the two new Autobot Twins, Mudflap and Skids, who are illiterate, act dumb, talk like rappers and squabble all the time. Why did you needlessly crowd the movie with tiny Decepticons which look exactly like Gremlins? And the most ridiculous Decepticon of all, the Pretender humanoid (Isabel Lucas) who wants to bed Shia, is a college dominatrix with a hidden tail and snake-like tongue! Frankly, I would like to know why you hate historical monuments so much? Did your Transformers really need to end up in Egypt and then proceed to smash, explode and tear apart every single priceless monument of humans in the vicinity for an entire hour?

This movie was so excruciating to watch. The viewer has to endure extremely loud explosions and a mess of metal all pulping each other to death for 2.5 hours. I felt like I lived a lifetime sitting there! You added those countless slow-motion shots of Megan Fox running away from explosions for obvious reasons. But, even her ample bosom and physics defying clothes (sadly) do not make this movie any more entertaining. In one word, this movie and every single aspect of it is absurd.

Thanks for your time.